Are You REALLY Ok?

Most of my close friends are either in traditional families or Singletons so I often feel like I’m on a tiny island by myself. It’s so easy to feel isolated on this blended family journey.

I recently lost my father to cancer so EVERYTHING feels larger than it is. Small arguments feel like the end of the world, I’m constantly questioning myself and my abilities, I feel like I’m not supporting my husband enough, and my kids don’t get as much of my time as they deserve because I’m just not present. I engage in frivolous things just to keep my mind busy. And at the end of the day I’m left feeling emotionally exhausted and physically depleted.

Half of my issues have nothing to do with being a blended mom, just my own internal struggles. So why am I discussing it here? Well, I want to know if you’re ok…like really ok. In any relationship we can take our external issues out on those closest to us, creating barriers between us and our spouses and our children. This isn’t ok, but it’s absolutely normal. Don’t beat yourself for questioning your abilities as a person. As a woman. And as a mom.

Here are 3 things I do when I find myself in this space:

1. Reflect
Reflecting is intimate internalization. Be careful, because if you’re anything like me this can lead to over-analyzing or even obsessing over areas in your life where you find yourself lacking. Healthy reflecting is examining what brought you to this space your in, how you contributed, and what within your control you can change.

2. Pray
I should definitely pray FIRST. But as of now my cycle is a bit backwards, but nonetheless it’s my process. Speaking with God let’s me know I am not alone and that whatever journey I walk He is with me. I usually take a notepad and wonder into the small corner in my closet and talk with God. Everyone’s prayer life is different so whether you silently pray, lay in your bed, or hash it out with God in your car, do whatever helps you communicate with God how you’re feeling.

3. Resocialize
After I’ve prayed and reflected I like to go back to the people I love the most. My husband, children, family, and friends and acknowledge my wrongdoings. This isn’t always easy, but definitely necessary. Remember that isolated feeling I talked about earlier…well I’m definitely not trying to stay there.

Tell yourself you’re ok, the world hasn’t ended, and that you’re human. Now being human isn’t a reason to justify mistakes, just know that you are and proceed accordingly. Don’t overly punish yourself, it’s ok not to be perfect. You don’t have all the answers and it’s ok to ask for help. Lean on those who know you best and rest knowing that all will be well as long as you have the courage to confront and correct the areas in you that need growth.

How do you make sure that you’re REALLY ok when you see life happening all around you and you feel overwhelmed? Leave a comment below to let me know if you’ve been here before.

7 Comments

  • Avatar
    by Crystal Fulton
    Posted 03.20.2019 03.20.2019 0Likes

    Jazmine,

    Thank you so much for this post it was speaking directly to me. No, I’m not really ok. However, the advice you gave I will try to apply it to my situation and I’m sure I will persevere!

    Crystal

    • theorrs
      by theorrs
      Posted 03.27.2019 03.27.2019 0Likes

      Crystal, it’s ok to not be ok. I’m glad you found this helpful and hopefully you have a strong support system as you learn to ebb in flow in your own situations. Persevere you will!

  • Avatar
    by Shaunè
    Posted 03.21.2019 03.21.2019 0Likes

    Beautiful! And spot on. As mothers, wives and women we try to put on a brave face but it is so important that we stop take a moment and reflect on where we are in that moment. Are we hurt, angry, sad? What? And once we realize that we are human and allowed to feel, then we pray and push on. Amen Sis!!

    • theorrs
      by theorrs
      Posted 03.27.2019 03.27.2019 0Likes

      Absolutely! Self-reflection is so necessary. I’m glad you also recognize the need to stop and assess how you feel!

  • Avatar
    by Way
    Posted 03.28.2019 03.28.2019 0Likes

    Been here?! I visit often. I’m very proud of you ❤️

  • Avatar
    by Stacey Morrow
    Posted 04.09.2019 04.09.2019 0Likes

    The question “Are You Okay”? stuck out to me. Right now I should be happy about a lot of things, but I’m not. There’s a decision I need to make regarding removing someone completely out my life but it will have a massive effect on family and some friends even. This relationship is toxic and it should have been terminated a long time ago.

    • theorrs
      by theorrs
      Posted 04.11.2019 04.11.2019 0Likes

      It sounds like you already know what you need to do. Relationships are unfortunately interconnected and although this may impact other relationships I dont encourage remaining in a toxic relationship due to the effect it will have on family and friends. Handle this delicately and hopefully those relationships can be salvaged but ultimately do what’s best for you!

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