Most of my close friends are either in traditional families or Singletons so I often feel like I’m on a tiny island by myself. It’s so easy to feel isolated on this blended family journey.
I recently lost my father to cancer so EVERYTHING feels larger than it is. Small arguments feel like the end of the world, I’m constantly questioning myself and my abilities, I feel like I’m not supporting my husband enough, and my kids don’t get as much of my time as they deserve because I’m just not present. I engage in frivolous things just to keep my mind busy. And at the end of the day I’m left feeling emotionally exhausted and physically depleted.
Half of my issues have nothing to do with being a blended mom, just my own internal struggles. So why am I discussing it here? Well, I want to know if you’re ok…like really ok. In any relationship we can take our external issues out on those closest to us, creating barriers between us and our spouses and our children. This isn’t ok, but it’s absolutely normal. Don’t beat yourself for questioning your abilities as a person. As a woman. And as a mom.
Here are 3 things I do when I find myself in this space:
Reflecting is intimate internalization. Be careful, because if you’re anything like me this can lead to over-analyzing or even obsessing over areas in your life where you find yourself lacking. Healthy reflecting is examining what brought you to this space your in, how you contributed, and what within your control you can change.
I should definitely pray FIRST. But as of now my cycle is a bit backwards, but nonetheless it’s my process. Speaking with God let’s me know I am not alone and that whatever journey I walk He is with me. I usually take a notepad and wonder into the small corner in my closet and talk with God. Everyone’s prayer life is different so whether you silently pray, lay in your bed, or hash it out with God in your car, do whatever helps you communicate with God how you’re feeling.
After I’ve prayed and reflected I like to go back to the people I love the most. My husband, children, family, and friends and acknowledge my wrongdoings. This isn’t always easy, but definitely necessary. Remember that isolated feeling I talked about earlier…well I’m definitely not trying to stay there.
Tell yourself you’re ok, the world hasn’t ended, and that you’re human. Now being human isn’t a reason to justify mistakes, just know that you are and proceed accordingly. Don’t overly punish yourself, it’s ok not to be perfect. You don’t have all the answers and it’s ok to ask for help. Lean on those who know you best and rest knowing that all will be well as long as you have the courage to confront and correct the areas in you that need growth.
How do you make sure that you’re REALLY ok when you see life happening all around you and you feel overwhelmed? Leave a comment below to let me know if you’ve been here before.